The days seemed so fast. One day, I was doing a certain routine, the next day I found myself doing the similar routine only the burden’s much heavier. The days were so gray, gone were those times of enthusiasm to discover something deeper, something more profound, gone were those times of thrill to discovering something new.
This has something to do, not with anyone else, I guess, but with my own perceptions with the things that involve me, just simply anything. Because most of the time, I question everything. And most of the times, I get disappointed, not because I don’t find the answers but because the answers that I find seem not to fit on what I call expectations, or the answers I got may be right yet I find myself doing the exact opposite of it, worse I don’t get any answer at all, simply because I’m afraid of the idea that the right ones aren’t the ones that I want. And because of this, I feel haunted by my inner thoughts. Somehow, I deceive myself. I am hiding from the idea that I might get caught, in a trap, that I cannot escape. There’s always resistance. Yet, the more I resist, the more I am unconsciously trapped in this nightmare I was avoiding since then. The more I tried to stop all my illusions, the more I realize that I am failing and falling each time. When will this delusion be taken away from me?
The routine seemed endless. And though some parts were altered from time to time, similar, old notion of routine still existed. And it kept on becoming heavier each day. The bottle can no longer contain the water inside it, I thought. The water has reached to its brim, I thought it would blow up, but surprisingly, it didn’t. Instead, it just flowed swiftly down to the contours of the container, down, sipped by the ground, under the ground. And the water has turned to be useful again, to the plants, to nature that needs it.
Together with that water, that was almost wasted but is eventually not, rise a new part of me that gives the rest of me hope in my continued quest that even in my most familiar routines, I shall value it. One step at a time, now I realize. I wish I had thought of this before so it didn’t reach to a conflict that I encountered just deep within me. But thank God it did. Somehow, it gave me a lesson I will forever value. It happened, I learned a lesson from it, I must move on. This time, much bolder, more vigilant and much wiser. I must move forward.