Life is extremely difficult. Especially if you’re growing old and much older. Sometimes you forget how long you have traveled and the next thing you knew, you are already caught up in the misty web of your alter ego. Sometimes you get confused with a lot of things that’s bothering your head. Sometimes you get into the struggle of having to fight with your internal voices. Sometimes, it just can lose you out of control. The bad thing here is when you get inconsistent with the decisions you are making. Strange how our logic works on this matter when you feel like doing something right because it is the dictate of the society and when you feel like doing the opposite. At some certain point you get to think of the “good and upright ways” that will partially influence your resolution, but in just one instant, all these proper and apt ways that you have thought for quite a long time will just be overpowered by the internal voice of you that tells you how and what to do even at the very risky point of contradicting the norms in the society that you belong. Really strange, isn’t it? Especially when you involve your heart on it.
It has never been easy for me living up to the expectations of everyone around you. It’s as if you lose one half of your identity because you want it to fit it to what they expect from you to be. Eventually, all these bits of character that they want you to carry are unconsciously installed in you so that these bits become yours. The influences of others plus the other half of your remaining you…now you gain your identity.
However, the much harder thing for me is the realization that no matter how you push yourself to the limits just for you to be gratified by the people you love and treasure, you will still in fact end up with something that you least expect to happen. It’s not worth it, I know. It’s painful, very true. But I always find the beauty in pain, the bittersweet feeling that perseveres me to do the things that I love to do even if it means absurdity.
Sometimes, it’s good to be stupid for you to grasp the real meaning of life, of love and let alone experience the grandeur in it.